My time here at Wyebrook is slowly winding down. I still have five months left, but we have crossed the halfway mark. It seems everyone has one question on their mind: what’s next?
It’s a valid question and one I have been pondering a lot lately. But I must confess being asked about my plans five times a day is giving me serious anxiety. I love keeping this blog (and have no plans to stop), but it means my life is something of an open book. Friends, acquaintances, even total strangers all want to know what the plan is. They have followed along and supported me in this journey and for that I am so grateful. But for a fiercely private, extremely introverted individual like myself it can also be stressful.
I’ll go ahead and let you in on a secret: I have no idea what I am going to do next.
When no one is pushing the issue, I am OK with the unknown. This time last year I still was making chili for a church event and packing for a trip to Iceland. Farming still hadn’t crossed my mind. But when people start asking, I start to panic. I always have an answer for everything. Just ask my mother. That I don’t have a plan doesn’t bother me; that I don’t have an answer when people ask about my plans does. I’m not sure that makes sense.
Here’s the thing: my limited life experience has taught me that things fall into place when the time is right. When I make plans, they inevitably get scuttled; when I sit back and allow life to happen, doors open right when I need them. For example, my senior year of college I decided not to go law school. I had no idea what I wanted to do, but all my friends had plans and my lack of one was problematic. I applied for Teach for America because it sounded cool and would give me a solid answer to the “What are you doing next year?” question every college senior faces. I busted my butt throughout the application process, doing everything I could to ensure I’d be selected. When I was cut in the final round, I was devastated.
A few days after I found out I hadn’t been accepted, one of my professors approached me about teaching English in China. She’d been asked by our sister university to send over two graduates to teach for the year. Given the choice between teaching in rural Mississippi or Suzhou, China, which would you choose? I had plans, but fate’s were better. The stories behind how I ended up in NYC, in Brooklyn, and at Wyebrook are very similar. They are stories for another time. Let’s just say that life had plans that were completely different and vastly better than the ones I’d crafted for myself.
Call it fate or luck or divine providence. I call it God’s will and it hasn’t steered me wrong yet. So for now I’ll keep waiting. At this very moment I am where I am supposed to be (Wyebrook) doing what I am supposed to be doing (farming). I don’t want to miss out on this present experience by dwelling on what the future may or may not bring my way. If you run into me at the farmers’ market or pass my parents at the grocery store, please don’t ask what I’m doing next year. When I figure it out, I’ll let you know. I promise.
Until then, I plan to tell anyone who asks that next year I’ll be traveling through time and space with the Doctor. If only that were an actual option…
Matthew 6:34 “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
Speaking of tomorrow, I am supposed to run a half marathon. HA!